boring hot goss

i feel like i ghosted myself and now i gotta come clean. well, here i am.

I don’t even know what made me remember that I had a blog. I just came back from a lil rainy walk with my dog, was cleaning his dirty paws and I just thought, “lemme login real quick”

Ok so, hot goss: I’ve been hiding from one of my neighbors since yesterday and I’m so embarrassed. I was basically cleaning my apartment in my dirty PJs with my headphones on listening to Megan Thee Stallion’s new album, which is fire btw. For some reason I had the urge to check if there was a letter left by the property manager on my door so I opened a bit and saw someone’s shadow coming and blurted “oh” and quickly closed the door. WHY DID I DO THAT????????? My hair was a hot mess, but still. Today, I found myself saying “oh” a couple of times to make it seem like it’s something I regularly blurt out say…WHY AM I LIKE THIS???!! performing in my own house for no other audience than myself and my dog (NVM…he’s sleeping most of the time) I wonder if she saw me ugh.

capitalist guilt

5/10 on a scale from 1 to 10 where 1 is the worse, and 10 is the best. Obvi, but you know I had to pull out my young survey days’ experience.

That’s how I rate how yesterday went. I ate cake for breakfast, lunch, and afternoon snack, spent hours on the internet, spent hours on the phone, spent hours trying to hang a shelf - in vain, and ran 2 errands.

I don’t know why I keep rating my days according to my level of productivity. It’s like I’m a factory for a supply chain of guilt. For that, baybeeee, I’m productive!

Would it be good business model to sell guilt on the internet? Like people could order 2 capitalist guilts I would send an email invoice like:

Hello honey (like the wig wholesale sellers in China),

Thank you for your order #100498724.

Here is a history of your purchase:

2 x capitalist guilts.

1: You didn’t do SHIT today.

2: You’re a LAZY ASS.

Paid with PayPal.

Thank you for supporting small business owners!

Capitalist Guilt Inc.

i needed *it* to fall to pick myself up

I opened the fridge and my food fell on the floor. The pad see ew that took forever to start, and hours to finish last night. I’m slow, WTV - not the point. All I could do was sit on the floor and cry while watching it on the floor in disbelief. And also stop my dog from eating it. I was asking him whyyyyy?! whyyyy? and he just looked at me like “bish get over yourself, I just need to taste this real quick”

I cried for a while, then I ran to reddit to seek validation by reading other people’s similar experiences. I’m embarrassed to admit that I really googled “meal fell on the floor” followed by “meal fell on the floor discouraged” to finally “meal fell on the floor depressed” That’s how I finally got to find my people. you know, the ones that question the purpose of life because they feel like giving up and then got triggered to question things some more.

when little things set off big feelings, it’s always comforting to have lil things to calm said big feelings. and by things I mean outlets. I forgot this blog was an outlet so I’m back. Almost a year later.

thank you pad see ew for falling on the floor. it brought me back here and now I’m not crying anymore.

august 1st

August has come and I am back. why? because I dropped my phone and it is now broken. unresponsive. and I need to say a word or two, cuz…WHAT DA FUCK IS DAT BULSHIT

I was looking for my tent at my parents’ place and I happened to stumble upon a bag of clothes I had put away yeaaaarrrsssss ago so I looked through it DUHH. Omg I found a cute winter bucket hat, and 1.45$…and one of my mom’s old slip dress that will become a dress cuz it’s opaque and issa look.

what. ev-er

I was grabbing all my finds and my phone FELL AND SOMEHOW I KNEW IT WOULD BE DA TIME WHERE IT FELL AND WOULD ACTUALLY BE IMPACTED. ok I’ll stop with the caps but the anger is the same FYI.

I’m so fucking pissed, cuz you know what’s worst? When I was leaving, my mom said she’d look for my old iphone and leave at the entrance and I was like yes pls, I’ll come grab it during the night. AND I FKN DID AND THE PHONE WAS NOWHERE TO BE FOUND!!!!!!!!

1. WHY DIDN’T SHE CALL ME BACK TO SAY SO??????

2. oups, I got carried away.

3. like I was saying…why didn’t she send me an email to let me know?????

4. at least why didn’t she leave me a note saying wussup??????

5. I’m so mad cuz I lost 1.5-2 hours and my laundry had time to finish and doesn’t smell “fresh” anymore although it doesn’t smell bad at all.

6. what a fool. it’s still in the washer…I just had to release a lil bit cuz DAMN (that one’s allowed cuz it’s…ya I don’t know what else to add so period. didn’t they teach you to shut da fuck up when you had nothing to say? I was.)

7. wow, got carried away again.

8. k lemme get up and hang these muhfkn black clothes cuz yes I wash by color.

9. over it

10. have I tried to put my phone in rice??? good fkn BAH

Thx google

So. How is my dog, a chihuahua, hotter than me?????

I mean, it's hot. It's humid.

But he's mexican?! Damn. I'm Haitian tho. Maybe it doesn't matter what breed he is because he got used to the MTL weather?!

Wow. Is that breedist? Or is it racist cuz there's only one human race? OMG I just googled it and breedism is an actual thing!!!!

I mean of course. Discrimination everywhere. Duh!

I'm out.