dat green doe

so I had therapy today, one of the only productive parts of my day, besides apply to 2 jobs. I’ll blame it on the heat.

I was telling her how I felt like my list of things to do was never ending and the anxiety of not being able to get to it blocked me from doing anything at all. WHY???????

“Because we’re not millionaires” - mic drop.

it true. damn. and yes, the mic drop deserved the space drop. on to another line. Whew! Ok. So. I remember in Haiti, when someone— a man, at a fair with his family bought something and handed the bag to the person helping at home (maid?) that was accompanying them. Now she was holding the purchase and he was walking hands free. It’s such a random memory but it really stayed with me, like damn, you can’t hold a tiny bag with something YOU purchased?! But I guess that’s what money does. You have the privilege of not worrying about things that weigh you down, that baggage you carry. I hate when people say that money doesn’t buy happiness. It does allow for the privilege to get the best health services, and other services in general, and for other ppl to do help you run your life. Excuse me?!!

Ya, money is a pass to a certain freedom.

The planets are actin' up

I just looked at my homepage and realized…the white people ratio on my gifs has been at a higher pourcentage lately.

Nothing special about today, except spending the day at Ikea and on the road, sitting in traffic.

AND. Omg. The fkn ticket city worker who gave me a 90$ parking ticket when I was helping my friend bringing some stuff up, and then took take a quick pee trip. I stayed up for like 5-7 mins!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm mad.

And I don't even have a job (yet…this bitch is not gonna halt my manifestation) crying emoji

I heard mercury retrograde started today, wtv the fuck that means.

2 pizzas or 2 pizza????

I get random thoughts here and there, so here’s one that flash as I was driving on Decarie (I love how driving can be so meditative??? it’s like, I’m not here anymore because I’m reaallly here??? hmm. the wording doesn’t make any sense, but I felt it, so it’s real).

Right. The thought. So, my friend invited me to do a meditation challenge with her and some of her friends. I said yes, of course. I’m starting a week later, but who cares??? It’s my process.

Anyways. One activity was to write a list of 50 women that influenced me. Just 50. Not more, not less. I wrote my mom and then friends’ names. And then I was thinking like dammmmn who? I kept going finding some other names, and next think you know, I was at 50!!!!

But I realized after that my impulse was to go back in time, to think of people I’m not even close with anymore. Because they all had some sort of impact. When I was done, I thought about so many other people that actually had a greater influence on me but are not listed.

There is no moral to this story. Nor is there a beginning or an end.

I made 2 spinach + bacon pizzas (hmm can pizza be plural???) today. Spinach was on sale last week. I made it from scratch.

i dare you

my dog is 2 and he still isn’t fully trained yet. I mean he is a chihuahua, so screaming is supposed to be part of his dna, as a lot of sources say, even if there are lots of calm chihuahuas. ok back to kelz. kelzou. kelzibooboo.

so to train him, I’ve been told to treat him as if he was a big dog. and to be careful to only give him all my affection when he’s been a good boii. listen. he’s tiny. like real smol. like his whole head fits into a hoodie’s side pocket.

how am I supposed to not show him all my love when he’s so cute and looks at me with the cutest lil eyes as he’s laying down in a roll or when I watch him sleep on his side or when he’s asleep on his back and his lil legs are twitching????????????????????

TELL ME HOW.

…

TRY ME.

…

that’s what I thought.

i don't know what this is about

I realize how I tie life periods according to the state of my hair. Kinky, texturizer, perm, transitioning, big chop, natural, big chop, twists sitz, big chop, dyed, annnnnd natural up until now. Damn. I been through some shit!

Wow I really went through all this lil context just to talk about how, you know when you have a song on repeat for a period of time?? Like sometimes I wake up and I’m like omg I gotta play “first we prayyyyyy, then we cryyyyyyyy” by Nate Dogg. Or it could “Dilemma” by Kelly and Nelly (I mean I didn’t reaaaally have to add the musicians, you’re supposed to know that nokia excel reference, the still is even in one of my posts…scavenger hunt anyone????)

All that to say that there are some songs or albums that I do also tie to life periods, or rather experiences? Like what I was going through? like reclaiming my agency after someone tried to rob it from me, through Erykah Badu’s discography. Or connecting to my Blackness with Solange’s “A Seat at The Table” album. Or wanting to subconsciously manifest love through “I Want to Thank You” by Alicia Myers.

Damn. I guess that happens with any type of art medium????? I reread that question and I’m not sure I understand what I meant now. Imma leave it here in case my future self reading this gets it.

Also, what was the point of this whole ass post???? a train of thoughts, hitting a cul de sac. fake deep.