Empty, but full weekend?

Besides COVID kicking my ass, I’ve been feeling kinda numb and hopeless. Weird because as I felt like a robot, I was still able to clean, keep my room clean, start my box braids, and visit my parents. Ok real quick: there are different levels of “productivity”; the one where you feel the energetic motivation to get shit done, the one where your goals and ambition just push through, the one where you feel like a vessel that’s got a message to pass on, orrrrr, the one where you’re avoiding the actual productive tasks you’re supposed to do, leading to the misplaced motivation to create an anxious ball that jumps through your chest while pushing uncontrollable tears of despair, which then makes your cheeks itchy due to the saltiness. That was a long sentence that I should have broken down into multiple sentences. In fact, it was not “real quick”. The pent up anxiety made me do it. shrugs In other words, my weekend was the latter level of “productivity”: empty…but…full.

I WISH I COULD PRESS DELETE

I’ve been wanting to braid my hair for a while now but lawwwwwd does it take forever to do. I think I’m on the 4th day and I’ve finally done all the parting. That. Was. A. Fkn. Journey. Indeed, preparing the set up; I need hydrating gel (jam?), handheld mirror, my almost done cream of nature moisturizer, my almost done biosilk leave-in spray, a comb, another comb - but smaller, a rat tail comb, a bed sheet to gather all the fallen hair, my phone with a podcast ready to go, oh, and some elastics and pins. Now that I have everything, it’s just a matter of pressing play, looking up at myself in the handheld mirror facing my bathroom mirror. Is the line straight? Lemme try to fix it. Shit. I took too much hair. Ugh. Over and over and over again. I WISH I COULD PRESS DELETE.

I do what I want

Listen. I need to preface this by saying that Kelz, my dog, is a sassy boy - or teenager? or adult? he’s almost 2. ANYWAYS! I think he watches too many Karen videos.

Yup. Kelz has a manager wanna-be like attitude when I train him to stay in “down” positions for a few minutes. and he just stares at me and keeps on shifting to show me “Uhhhhh. Where ma treat at? I BEEN DOWN!!” Oh, baby. Sweety. I’m the manager here.

It’s like that time I was volunteering at a yoga studio in exchange for free and unlimited yoga classes. It was usually with a bunch of volunteers and we were cleaning the 2 studios, the bathrooms and the changing rooms, and folding towels. I know, it sounds like a lot, but it was actually like a fun lil hangout when I got along with my fellow volunteers. SO. That day, there were a lot of volunteers and not much to do. We did everything we had to do and expected to finish our 3 hour shift early. BUT, this “annoying and fake-smiling wannabe manager employee, who clearly wants to manifest power with her high-pitched voice” (Please tell me you hate her already? Thanks.) was asking us to dust the the top of the top of the lockers, which we did in just a few minutes. We proceeded as told and finished doing all the tasks quickly. As we started preparing to head out, she asked us to mop and sweep, AGAIN. (As per my previous mention; horrific, right? K, thanks.) Likeeeeee ughhhh. Where my thank-you-goodbye at? I BEEN DONE!!

Ok, Kelz ain’t no Karen. He takes it from me; I’ve been through a lot. Obviously.

well, there it is

right. so it’s 2022. nothing’s changed but the last number. funny to think that we’re still calculating the years “post-christ”. OOPS SORRY. who are “we”???? right. “society” imposing it on the world to follow even if other cultures have other calendars. OH YEAH, COLONIZERS. forgot their name. *eye roll*

December 31st, 2021

You know when you feel lonely, but you isolate yourself, ignore messages and phone calls, refrain from calling your best friends cuz….you’re lonely?????? well, if it isn’t a nice cocktail. basic bitch me would order a rhum and coke at the bar. i’m at home, though. so the cocktail is….loneliness instead of rhum, and anxiety as a chaser! YUMMM! let me buy you a drannnnnk?? Then i'mma take you home with meeee. my treat.