weed rolling workshops

I’ve been wanting to smoke weed for a couple days now and I finally got around to be able to get high without worrying about things I might not do. So, I officially did!

Not so fast with the excitement now. I wanted to smoke but then just had 2 miserable, wounded papes. One of my “hidden talents” aka something I might have answered if I was asked that on an interview (you know these scenarios you make up in your head in the shower or to help you fall asleep? #exposed)…is rolling. I taught a couple friends how. sips tea

I could’ve tried rolling, but I just didn’t have time for that! I also have a lil tin with some joints I had started to be finished later, but I never dip back in cuz there’s no label for me to know if one is hybrid or sativa, likeeee…..make it make sense past self!!

Long story short: I took a weed pill. I didn’t wanna do it on an empty stomach so had avocado toasts prior to that. Mistake. I’m still waiting on that high and it’s 4h later. I even texted my friend like “I can’t wait to get high!!!!” Gurrrrrl, go sit down over there. That’s what I’m telling myself.

Big fail. And I still wanna get high. With a joint this time, obvi.

where did it all begin????

Ever since I was a kid, my parents always had these alternative treatments for things. “Lwil maskriti”, or castor oil in English, was (and still is fr) the number 1 cure, which I heard also is in other Caribbean countries. I love how even though they migrated from Haiti decades ago, they still carry their home and traditions with them.

These little (— let me backtrack and say, these IMPORTANT) holistic treatments that I used to despise as kid, I enjoy and savour now. Like the bitter tea that would make me lie and say I was healed, when in fact I was just scheming to avoid it. My parents could see through my act tho. And they still signed me up for theatre classes, cuz I wanted to “be an actress”. Go figure.

Anyways. So ya, these alternative healing practices, it was passed down to them as well, and there’s always a reason why they exist and work. I just wonder…who was the first ancestor to, for instance, use some cerasse leaves to feel better?? I often wonder (yes I wrote wonder twice…cuz I do be wonderinnn!!). Maybe it’s just about survival. Survival instinct that guides us to find the things we need. Perhaps then it’s even bigger than my ancestors. Perhaps it has to do with the connection with the Universe, the divine, to divine entities that watch over us, carry us, and guide us…

when do you brush yo teeth?

Random thought of the day, or shall I say..of the night.

I did my night routine way earlier than before getting to bed and now, I have questions.

I have an alarm set for midnight, telling me to get my ass up and wash my face and brush my teeth. It’s a very smart practice. But I don’t always follow it. It started well, but I soon became friends with the snooze button, and now, we’re besties.

I decided to do another clay mask tonight so I took it upon myself to brush my teeth while in the bathroom. Smart, right? Now it’s 3 hours later, and my ass is starving. But I’m also too stubborn to eat and having to brush my teeth again, which could lead to “fuck it, I’m too dead”. So here I am. Typing my hunger away.

When do people usually brush their teeth? Is it some sort of discipline to not eat before a certain time? Torture. There’s a bag of Carnation Hot Chocolate powder next to my screen, and I bought milk this evening. Torture. Existential questions. Important issues at play.

still some fresh air tho

I wanted to leave the house today. But the weather got me all the way fucked up. I’ll try to pop my head outside later to light a joint and take some deep breaths. Or not. I might just stay inside, crack the door open, inhale indoors, and exhale out da door. I hadn’t smoked for a while, but I did last weekend and it was so fun! It’s like I had almost forgotten? Weed. I luh u.

I was talking to someone last night, (not like that, come on now.) I was talking about my hair and the conversation led us to talk about different periods of my life, and I just had an out of body experience..I thought…yooooo…I’ve lived!! I have the tendency to put myself down, like I haven’t done enough, but the truth is…I’ve done lots of things and I carry so many stories. And lots deserve to be shared. Sometimes I forget.

All that to say, I’m cool. But also, not so much cuz last night’s kitchen dance party led to more back pain today. Anyways, let’s focus on the positive. I’m cool, and about to be cooler in a few mins.

my face is dry again

I just spent the last few hours (like 3 tbh) having a kitchen dance party, which also showed my music taste’s range. yes I said it…which means that I had to go through multiple layers. The common thread was me pretending I was having a dance party in Mexico, dancing with some new friends, and that being filmed, and me posting a non-cringy unapologetic me dancing video on IG and already thinking of the reaction of some followers, already thinking of the potential attention I’d receive. It’s like another self takes over making up scenarios. It feels really lame writing this “out loud”, but I’ll leave it here. I’m sure someone else could relate? (I gotta add a side note tho: my kitchen is clean, bitches.)

I did a clay mask+apple cider vinegar+honey this evening. My skin was red and dry after, but I went innnn with the moisturizer. Now. Listen. My dance party killed all my hard work. I sweated so much, used about 3-4 paper towels to patch my face, thus my face is dry again. My hair roots still haven’t fully dried.

Today, my routine was a lil off, and I feel like my day didn’t necessarily move with a flow. I didn’t do my freewriting this am. I feel like to have a strong foundation, I need a consistent routine. And I always get frustrated when I start on the right track and stop. One day turns into another one, and another one, until I gotta push myself to start again harder. Maybe having a strong routine also entails being intentional about taking a breather and setting a max period of perhaps 24h until I go back to it? Or adjust the routine to something more realistic?

I think Imma use a face wipe to salvage the dance dryness damage. Good night.