i feel things

I’ve been on a journey of taking care of my mental health for a while now. It’s been up and down, but I’m proud that I reached out. I’ve been taking medication for 3 years now. Anywho! I’ll spare you the details. All that to say: the dosage of one of my medication increased. i took it this morning, and..I…immidiately felt sumn????? like better??????

so ya. i feel things.

at some point, i felt too much, so I had to do a lil yoga. Kelzou didn’t want me to tho, jumping in my face like…bruuuuh?! so I did doga instead. ever heard of it? I hadn’t. it’s yoga, but like…you do it with your dog - meaning you pet them as you do the yoga positions…dassit…

the position that helped me the most was laying down on the ground. after all! Is that what grounding is??? Def recommend.

i know things

there’s something I forgot to tell you…

(also, how do you feel when someone texts you this and then takes a lonnnnnggg assss timeeee to respond?? I’m not cruel, just jump to the other line, rolls eyes)

I TOOK MY CHRISTMAS TREE DOWN!!! It happened this week. I unfortunately don’t have a date to put in my calendar to celebrate. It took me a while to figure out how to separate it in 3 parts, I just had such a hard time identifying the parts (cuz I wasn’t the one who put it up, duh!). But I did, and I even put the box away and organized the decorations!

I now feel so empty…I mean the space, not me…but I feel its pain…

Advice: when you’re in a relationship and see/feel some red flags, address them and if nothing changes, LEAVE. It’s okay to mourn afterwards…just because a relationship is toxic doesn’t mean you didn’t care about this person! And now you’re left with an emptiness that you need to heal.

The relationship with my tree became toxic and I don’t want you to fall into the same trap, whether you are on the toxic side or not.

Metaphores = wisdom.

i did things

Today was a big day:

• I used MY drill for the first time #officiallyready2beahomeowner

• I did laundry for the first since I’m back from Mexico #tideallday

• I sent out 2 job applications #igotmoneyindabank #shawtywutyoudrank

• I responded to 2 emails #aspermylastemail

• I had a productive therapy session #healingtimes

• DASS IT #bossassbishhhh

• Oh shit. I also watched the Depp v. Heard trial’s livestream #truthunderoath

frosted flakes.

Let’s start with this: I AM HURT, FRUSTRATED, HEARTBROKEN, AND CONFUSED.

I’ve been craving Frosted Flakes for weeks! I even almost ordered them on uber for like 20$ (cuz you know dem uber fees -_-), but I came back to my senses and just told myself I would do a grocery delivery order or just go myself.

It’s currently Easter Monday. I spent the day cleaning while listening/watching the Depp v. Heard livestreamed trial (don’t judge). I was starving by the end of the day and my cantaloup slices were just not cutting it. I wish I had made a delivery order this morning instead of telling myself I would go to avoid the delivery fees, when in fact, I knew deep down I wouldn’t go cuz I’ve been telling myself this for 3 days. So ya….I was still hangry, obvi.

I decided to get my shit together, I put my adidas pants on top of my red satin PJ pants, I put my big hood on to hide my dry ass hair, and I recycled the disposable mask I wore at my parents last night, cuz of course I didn’t do the laundry load I told myself I would do earlier.

ANYWAYS. Long story short: I got there 30 mins before closing (oupss), and….THERE WERE NO FROSTED FLAKES BOXES ON THE SHELVES!!!!!!!! HOW HAVE THEY BEEN MISSING FOR WEEKS???? WHERE THEY AT THO????? WHO BOUGHT THEM ALL?????? WHY HAVEN’T THEY BEEN RESTOCKED???? Questions, but no answer. And a frosted flakes (you don’t deserve to be capitalized rn) free stomach.

I had to settle for Fruit Loops. It’s just not the same (no shade tho). I’m honestly considering reaching out to Kellogg’s to file a complaint.

my mom was wrong

i went to visit my parents and it was fun, i got to do a puzzle with my mom

i also decided to used my fancy silicone/plastic reusable mask kit. I’M FANCY. Ok? Ok.

so obviously, since my skin has been breaking out because I ate one grapefruit a day, I’ve been more consistent with my clay masks. anyways so i did one while there. and listen, it got late, I was lazy, wanted to go home…and the last thing i was down for was rinsing my mask off at my parents’..BAH

it was a whole ass set up to prepare to leave the house and be in public with my face, full of clay. thank god I was driving but damn, I was already thinking at the bright red lights, or the fkn high beams. PEOPLE WILL SEE ME

sooooo, I left with my mask on…under my mask, with a cap that couldn’t fit on my head- literally hanging on to a thread of hair, my big hood on, and my pride in my pocket. my mom was like “you’re not gonna see anybody! and who cares, you don’t know them!” she’s right, who cares? so I went about my business, cuz obviously I wouldn’t see anyone at 11pm. LIES!!!!!!!!!!!!! I got back home, put my mask back on, my scarf around my face, and made sure my hood was on on (yup twice). I was holding kelz in his crate, my reusable bag on one shoulder and some groceries my parents gave me…OF COURSE there had to be people smoking outside the door, and kelz screaming because…people…which drew attention to me LAWDDDD. when I tell you, my head was downnnn and I was walking FAST FAST. Anyways, so I proceeded to open the door when I hear…”hey do you need help?”…”no thank you (keeping my head down focusing on the key)………….that’s so nice”

my mom was wrong.